The Real Housewives of New Jersey :: This Week’s 5 Unanswered Questions

Let’s just get right to it.

I love my housewives, but when New York, New Jersey and Atlanta go dormant, I have none to watch! That’s because I had to completely stop watching O.C. – the shrieking finally hit the tipping point. It was one Tamra squeal too many. Thank ya, Jesus (© Melissa Gorga) Two Winey Bitches write such awesome recaps every week so I can keep up without having to actually watch them on my television. Because that gives me more time to exercise. HAHAHA JK LOL.

So I’m glad the Jersey girls are back. But as always, Bravo has left me scratching my head over a few moments from this week’s show.

1. Is Joe Giudice the worst person on television?

I am the actual worst.

I am the actual worst.

Because I’m pretty sure he is. He is just beyond. Based on his antics during the premiere, it looks like he is grosser than ever. I guess if you can get away with calling your wife a See You Next Tuesday in a phone call to your girlfriend, have it broadcast all over the country, and still have your wife sing your praises, you can pretty much write your own douchey ticket. Let’s see: he called Melissa “Horsey Face” to Milania (after describing Melissa as “4 going on 6” – what does that even mean?!), he used the word “drownded”, he got drunk at dinner with his wife and said she was lookin’ better every beer (my translation), and worst of all, he used the phrase “stank ass beeyotch.” Yes, Joe, you are a straight thug. Your cutting edge street vernacular reflects how gangsta you are. #thingsthatweretruein1999

2. Does Caroline have a crush on Joe Gorga?

It was a tiny bit strange when she invited him for coffee – which obviously Melissa noticed – but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I was gonna go ahead and buy her “I’m a big sister, just helping out” line. But that look she gave him as they were saying goodbye after the coffee date? Uh, hold up, Caroline. Get back in your lane. You don’t want it with Melissa.

3. Was this the only analogy Jacqueline could come up with?

Regarding talking about the Giudice-Gorga family drama for another minute:tumblr_mnu6rlFTUw1ql5yr7o1_400

4. Why isn’t Rosie on every single episode?

Since I called Joe Giudice the worst person on TV, let’s keep the exaggeration going and I’ll say Rosie is the BEST person on TV. (Haha, only kidding – that’s Ryan Lochte.) She is delightful and steals every scene she’s in. But when she and Kathy and their mom were at the table, I did wonder why and how all three of them have totally different accents. I know the mom is from Italy but did Kathy take some diction classes or something? Because she talks nothing like Rosie. And one more thing: what exactly is happening with Rosie’s scarf situation here? She must not have enough gay men in her life because otherwise one of them would have stopped this from happening.

I'm hiding a hickie? Maybe?

I’m hiding a hickie? Maybe?

5. Are the Manzo brothers off the show this season?

We can dream.

I thought the premiere was pretty dull. I’ve decided to chalk that up to Bravo’s producers trying to demonstrate a tiny bit of respect for the Hurricane Sandy stuff going on at the time they were filming.

What about you? Glad they’re back? Wish they’d go away again?

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4 thoughts on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey :: This Week’s 5 Unanswered Questions

  1. Melissa says:

    Dead on as usual… I questioned that scarf the entire scene… Who wears an ascot aside from Scooby Doo’s Fred Jones?! Thanks for the props too – you rock!

    • reallyrealatlantahousewife says:

      I absolutely cannot believe you knew not only his full name, but also pulled out such an apt comparison! Loving it.

  2. Emma Covarrubias says:

    Meh.. I mean, I love a good fight but at the end of the episode the preview for the whole season came on and as usual, they say “let bygones be bygones” then they vacation together,(which by the way, is that a requirement if you want to be on the show?), they cry, scream, bitch at each other, come home, bitch more, get into a “Huge fight” and that’s where it all ends.. then I’m guessing this year we’ll have a 4 part reunion; with Teresa screaming and shrieking, Jaq crying and interrupting every 5 seconds, Manzo “being the voice of reason” and Melissa and Kathy just sitting there rolling their eyes..
    But I’m going to watch because I’m sick and can’t miss an episode. Same with the O.C that by the way is so Booooooooooooooooooring!

    And that is all I have to say about that…

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