Let’s just get right to it.
I love my housewives, but when New York, New Jersey and Atlanta go dormant, I have none to watch! That’s because I had to completely stop watching O.C. – the shrieking finally hit the tipping point. It was one Tamra squeal too many. Thank ya, Jesus (© Melissa Gorga) Two Winey Bitches write such awesome recaps every week so I can keep up without having to actually watch them on my television. Because that gives me more time to exercise. HAHAHA JK LOL.
So I’m glad the Jersey girls are back. But as always, Bravo has left me scratching my head over a few moments from this week’s show.
1. Is Joe Giudice the worst person on television?
Because I’m pretty sure he is. He is just beyond. Based on his antics during the premiere, it looks like he is grosser than ever. I guess if you can get away with calling your wife a See You Next Tuesday in a phone call to your girlfriend, have it broadcast all over the country, and still have your wife sing your praises, you can pretty much write your own douchey ticket. Let’s see: he called Melissa “Horsey Face” to Milania (after describing Melissa as “4 going on 6″ – what does that even mean?!), he used the word “drownded”, he got drunk at dinner with his wife and said she was lookin’ better every beer (my translation), and worst of all, he used the phrase “stank ass beeyotch.” Yes, Joe, you are a straight thug. Your cutting edge street vernacular reflects how gangsta you are. #thingsthatweretruein1999
2. Does Caroline have a crush on Joe Gorga?
It was a tiny bit strange when she invited him for coffee – which obviously Melissa noticed – but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I was gonna go ahead and buy her “I’m a big sister, just helping out” line. But that look she gave him as they were saying goodbye after the coffee date? Uh, hold up, Caroline. Get back in your lane. You don’t want it with Melissa.
3. Was this the only analogy Jacqueline could come up with?
4. Why isn’t Rosie on every single episode?
Since I called Joe Giudice the worst person on TV, let’s keep the exaggeration going and I’ll say Rosie is the BEST person on TV. (Haha, only kidding – that’s Ryan Lochte.) She is delightful and steals every scene she’s in. But when she and Kathy and their mom were at the table, I did wonder why and how all three of them have totally different accents. I know the mom is from Italy but did Kathy take some diction classes or something? Because she talks nothing like Rosie. And one more thing: what exactly is happening with Rosie’s scarf situation here? She must not have enough gay men in her life because otherwise one of them would have stopped this from happening.
5. Are the Manzo brothers off the show this season?
We can dream.
I thought the premiere was pretty dull. I’ve decided to chalk that up to Bravo’s producers trying to demonstrate
a tiny bit of respect for the Hurricane Sandy stuff going on at the time they were filming.
What about you? Glad they’re back? Wish they’d go away again?