Since my divorce, my friends have been hassling me to get out there and go on dates. In general, I’m like:I know everyone means well, but the reality is that I’m pretty happy on my own. This is the first time in my adult life I’ve been single and I kind of love it! I really feel good about where I am right now!
I’ve already spent enough time on Match.com to know it’s not for me, at least not for now. But I read about a site called HowAboutWe.com and I was kind of intrigued. The idea is that you post a date that sounds fun to you – mine was the Paella 101 class at Barcelona – and then people can respond if they think they might want to go on that or some other date with you. The idea that I might meet someone fun based more on what we both want to do rather than on strict criteria like “Agnostic over 6 feet tall and under 50 with kids” sounded somewhat appealing to me. Or at least less awful.
So I decided to try it. And here are some of the actual date suggestions. Please to enjoy.
“How about we… go to dinner, movie, a walk in park and take a carrots ride.”
Ohhh, here we go! How about you learn to proofread?
“How about we… Throw burritos at sidewalk joggers while driving.”
Ha. Ha. You are very clever, aren’t you?
“How about we… Flatters and Players please keep off for I am not into games Please!!! Be Warned, because I will reports violators to the site authority, So please be very very careful and BE WARNED!!!”
What? I can’t . . . WHAT?!
“How about we… Im not going to show my hand and ruin the surprise… Its all about the excitement of not knowing whats going to happen next….”
I am pretty sure you are a serial killer and will be using duct tape on my face at some point before the night is through.
“How about we… take a day trip to the beach, scuba/snorkel/ or some activity with a margarita in your hand…seafood dinner on a dock… with some karaoke or after dinner drinks if you can still tolerate me haha.”
You know we live in Atlanta, right? You’re familiar with its general geographic location? And by the way, that last part? Too late.
“How about we… just get naked and live for a bit!”
Come on. Get serious.
“How about we… have a drink until we pass out.”
“How about we… go to Church!”
The final straw? Well, I don’t think there’s a GIF for this: one of the dates that came up in the “surprise me” category on the site was A KID I TAUGHT WHEN HE WAS IN FOURTH GRADE! Oh, I was surprised alright. Aaaand that’s the end of that.
There may be a time in the future
when Ryan Lochte realizes he needs an older woman I need a man and decide to go beyond my comfort zone. Until then: