Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E Became Final Today

And that’s that.

Received my Final Judgment and Decree of Divorce in the mail today. In the eyes of the Superior Court of Fulton County in the State of Georgia, it is considered “that the marriage contract heretofore entered into between the parties in this case, from and after this date, be, and is set aside and dissolved as fully and effectually as if no such contract had ever been made or entered into.”

So. As of June 10, 2013 our union is legally dissolved as if it never happened. For us, it’s been dissolved for quite awhile. We’ve been living apart for almost exactly two years. In our minds and our kids’ minds, we’ve been divorced since sometime in April of 2012 when we decided to call it quits after a year of separation. Legal stuff has never mattered much to us anyway. We consider our anniversary to be April 4, 1992 since that’s the day we stood before family and friends and entered into a marriage. We found out later that a ship’s captain is only allowed to legally marry people when they are out at sea – whoops! – so we had to go to the courthouse sometime in September (I truly don’t know the date) to make it “official.”

Ours has been a drawn out divorce, but not an acrimonious one. It took so long mainly because it was such a big decision to really and truly pull the plug. Also because we are both exceedingly lazy and with no beach houses or Ferraris to fight over, we took our time. Our lawyers told us that ours was one of the most civil and respectful settlements either of them had ever seen. We didn’t know how to take that. I’m sure they meant it as a compliment, but we’re not trying to get good at divorcing each other so, uh, thanks?

Why am I sharing this? I try hard to keep this blog superficial and fun. I guess I’m sharing it because, well, it’s big. Even after two years, it kinda lays me out that it’s really all over. But no matter what the court says, it DID happen: a contract was entered into and it was entered into in good faith by all parties. I hope the two people who share us as parents always feel assured that they were created from real true love and from the sincerest desire that the marriage would last forever. I know it’s a little melodramatic (so am I) but I guess I want people to bear witness.

I’ve said before that I often follow Hemingway’s directive to “write drunk, edit sober.” Tonight I’m not drunk, but I’m not gonna wait to publish because I might just change my mind. I’m sad, happy, wistful, excited, somber, stunned and hopeful – all at the same time. Tomorrow, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. For tonight, let’s pour out a little Henny for something that happened and is over now. As Mike Skinner (The Streets) says in Empty Cans, “Something that was not meant to be is done / And this is the start of what was.”

24 thoughts on “Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E Became Final Today

  1. Susan Barmon says:

    Excellent blog post. You have said it beautifully for those of us that have shared the experience of divorce.

  2. Liz Baker says:

    I had the junior, ok, mini, version of many of these same feelings after my less than 2 year childless union ended 6 yrs ago. You nailed it once again.

  3. vtjt881 says:

    yep. monumental. I think there should be a divorce ceremony. where the couple stands up in front of everyone and says it over. there should be some recognition for what was. No one marries thinking they will get divorced one day. We all think, hope, expect, dream that it will be “happily ever after”….. or at least “ever after” forever. I love your post. Thank you for sharing.

  4. victoria says:

    not sure why my screen name came up at vtjt881, but it’s me, Victoria.

  5. Annie says:

    Raising a glass and wiping away a tear for you, for us all.

    • reallyrealatlantahousewife says:

      Ok, this comment just about put me over the edge. Again. It ain’t easy, that’s for sure.

  6. Emma Covarrubias says:

    “Something that was not meant to be is done / And this is the start of what was.”
    I can’t think of anything inspiring to say, just that, that quote is going to stick with me forever.
    I can’t say “i know how you feel” because I don’t, but I’ve been there with friends and family while going through a divorce and it’s never pretty. I do know that I admire the woman who says “I can’t do this anymore” and she actually doesn’t. Versus MOI, that stays and will always wonder, “what if”…
    As always I love your posts.. No matter what you write, I enjoy.

    • reallyrealatlantahousewife says:

      Thank you so much, Emma. As much as I love when my friends leave comments – I really do! – somehow it means a little tiny bit more from someone who doesn’t know me in real life. Thanks for being such a supportive reader!

      • Emma Covarrubias says:

        It’s because you are a real blogger. You talk about everything, even if it gets personal. That is real. I enjoy every single post, even if I’m late commenting, =)

  7. Gail Peck says:

    May your future be bright. And that’s that.

  8. susan says:

    I admire you for writing so eloquently about this most personal experience, it is a great piece of writing …… as always

  9. Thank you for sharing something so personal with your readers. Posts like this remind me that we are all real people with real lives and that we share experiences, and that we all could use a little care and support from time to time.

    • reallyrealatlantahousewife says:

      Thanks, Andrea. After an initial panic once I actually pressed “publish”, I ended up feeling really glad I shared this. I’m sure you know that feeling. 🙂

  10. Pam says:

    I remember the wedding very well. It was real. I feel sad and wistful reading this. We were so young and you were so lovely; so was he.

    • reallyrealatlantahousewife says:

      I feel sad and wistful, too. We had NO idea how young we were then! Now it seems like we were children.

  11. Karen says:

    I love reading your “superficial and fun” stuff; but I really, really love … and am so moved by … reading your truth.
    Thanks for being willing to share that, too.
    xo to you.

  12. Let me clarify about the captain’s marrying people thing. My hub is a captain. We used to have a charter boat and did a lot of weddings. We never went further than San Diego Bay, but the marriages are legal because my hubs got a certificate to marry people from the internet which is what all the captains do. http://ulc.net
    No marriage is legal in international waters or coastal waters unless the capt is authorized. I think perhaps the capt that performed your service did not have the proper paperwork. In fact, my hubs can perform the service anywhere, on the water or on land. Just a clarification from a tugboat captain’s wife. (Lots of people think the same thing and I get asked that question a lot!) Love your blog BTW.

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