Let’s play a little game.
I’m going to tell you about two things, and you’re going to tell me which one is worse. Ready? Okay, here we go.
1. Jessica Biel is planning to open an “exclusive, organic restaurant for kids”
If your first thought was “who?”, welcome to my blog. I like you.
Jessica Biel seems like the kind of person you’d accidentally sit next to at a party. You would spend the next five minutes nodding your head and pretending to listen. And wondering why she’s here. In fact, Jessica Biel’s entire celebrity persona can be summed up with “Why is she here?” She’s married to my husband – Justin Timberlake – and I just DO NOT GET IT.
There is just something relentlessly C-list about Jessica Biel-Timberlake. As a heavy consumer of celebrity-related “news”, I put her in the same category as people like Garcelle Beauvais or Lisa Rinna or Jessica Alba and all the people on all the shows on the USA network. Which makes it even funnier that she is the person opening an “exclusive organic restaurant for kids.” Um, what? Is this a thing we need now? Is this a thing the One-Percenters are clamoring for?
This can probably be traced back somehow to Gwyneth. I bet Gwyneth was chillin with Jess one day (Beyonce was busy) and said, “Wouldn’t it be cool if we could take our kids somewhere exclusive to eat? You know, somewhere where we could get away from the, like, riff raff? Somewhere organic. Exclusive and organic.”
Yep. I just figured it out. Jessica Biel saw an opportunity to – literally – sit with the cool kids and she hatched the idea for a place that’s being called a “Soho House for kids.” Blech.
WORST PART: The place is called – no lie – AU FUDGE!
2. VH-1 has a new show called “Bye Felicia”
Yep. There is now a television show named for an Internet meme that came from a movie that came out 19 years ago (Whaaa? Yes, 1995 was a long time ago).
If you’re unfamiliar, “Bye Felicia” was a throwaway line from the movie “Friday”, starring thug-turned-teddy-bear Ice Cube. It was embraced first by gay black men (like everything that becomes cool later) and is now a term used as a kind of blanket dismissal of someone.
So the show concerns “Atlanta-based life coaches Deborah Hawkes and Missy Young as they set out to help white girls across the Los Angeles area.” I’ll say it again: Um, WUT?! God knows I love a good makeover show. But when the show’s press release touts “motherly tough love” and “sassy personalities”, I feel like I’ve already seen this one. Black women making over white women to be more “black” for comic effect. Ha ha lolz.
*zzzzzzz* Sorry, I fell asleep.
WORST PART: The show – which is ostensibly about giving women confidence to carry themselves with some pride and certainty – is named for a meme intended as a dismissal.
I’ve selected two random and unrelated but terrible things.
Now it’s your turn. Tell me which one is worse.