Category Archives: Music

An Open Letter to Kim and Kanye’s Baby

Hello Baby Kardashian-West!

You are a baby! A new human life! Like any baby, I wish the best for you. Happiness, good health, prosperity and lots of laughs.

I’m not sure how familiar you are with your parents yet, but I’m gonna do you a favor and fill you in on a couple things.

Sigh. This won’t be easy but I want you to know it’s for your own good, ok?

See, your dad is Kanye West. I’ll tell you right now that I am a superfan. Your dad’s album “The College Dropout” was a game-changer, and joined a short list of albums – including “Kid A” (Radiohead), “Exile In Guyville” (Liz Phair), “Back to Black” (Amy Winehouse) – that I played the actual HELL out of. Your pop is super, super talented. So, that’s great, right?kanye-kilt

Uh, yeah. The problem is that he’s also kind of a huge jackass. A lot of people really don’t like him. Like, really don’t like him. As he says in his tune “Diamonds”:

The international ASSHOLE
Who complain about what he’s owed
And throw a tantrum like he’s 3 years old

His hubris is legendary. Mr. West is probably better known by the public for his awards shows freak-outs, grandiose statements, grouchy interviews and “the mic grab heard ’round the world” than he is for his awesome musical talents. He has built up a pretty breathtaking amount of ill will from the public.

You probably just need to know that, ok?

And kid, we also have to talk about your mom. And her family. I know this hurts, but let’s just do it.

Continue reading

Sit Down, Franco. Let Gaga Show You How It’s Done

I’ve made my feelings about my ex-boyfriend James Franco’s stupid letter pretty clear.

Yesterday, Lady Gaga showed J. Franc how you really get down when you want to help a city you love. Obviously, she reads my blog.

On her LittleMonsters.com website, Gaga wrote:

Today I pledge 1 million dollars to New York & The American Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy Relief. If it wasn’t for NYC: the Lower Eastside, Harlem, the Bronx and Brooklyn, I would not be the woman or artist that I am today. New York is relentless ambition, a drive to succeed, a place where there is a natural pursuit of diversity through compassion. Please accept this gift on behalf of myself, my parents Joe and Cynthia, and my sister Natali; with our deepest gratitude New York for raising us.

Thank you for helping me build my spirit. I will now help you rebuild yours.

Sincerely, Lady Gaga and The Germanottas.

Just to be clear, I’m no Little Monster. Prior to this, I really didn’t have feelings about Gagz either way. But I sure do now.

It’s refreshing to see someone go beyond empty rhetoric into real action. Well played, Stefani Germanotta!

Gaga

I didn’t know I loved you.

For No Good Reason, the Gwyneth-Beyonce Friendship Bugs Me

I mean, look at these two.

The first time I saw them together in public was Beyonce’s birthday in London in 2009. I was sure it some flukey thing between Chris Martin and Jay-Z. I imagined Beyonce gritting her teeth through a smile and hissing quietly at Jay, “I said TWO hours, ok?! Let’s GO! I can’t stand this brat.”

 

But boy, was I wrong! They’re constantly hanging out together. Everywhere! How can Beyonce stand her? (Then again, how can Chris Martin stand her? That’s a whole other can of organic artisanal worms.)  Continue reading

Randy Travis Arrested Again, Needs to Redneckonize

C’mon, guys. I really count on you to be there for me when I miss stuff like this.

You betta redneckonize, Randy!

So, less than 2 weeks after his arrest for being naked in the road (next to his 1998 Trans Am!), it seems Randy Travis was cited again a couple of nights ago, when police responded to a call about two men fighting in a church parking lot. He was charged with misdemeanor assault. Although TMZ is reporting that Randy was “extremely intoxicated,” there was no indication on the police report that he was impaired at the time of his most recent arrest.

Um, hang on. I feel pretty certain that if you find yourself in a situation in which you are fighting your girlfriend’s estranged husband in a parking lot at 1 a.m. on a Friday, you have had at least a few drinks. In my experience, non-drinkers are just not very likely to start slugging each other in the wee hours. And further, when this is the second time in a year that you’ve been arrested for being up to no good in a church parking lot after dark, things aren’t working out for you. Add in a clothing-optional DUI and you’ve got a problem.

I need to figure out why this cat’s drinking so much! I know times are tough – recent divorce from your wife/manager of 20 years, marriage ended over cheating with the woman whose husband you tried to knock out, crashing your Trans Am while drunk and naked – but man, this dude needs to consider developing healthier habits!

Is he just determined to make his life play out like a country song? Could be, but he’s got a ways to go before he’s George Jones getting a DUI on his way to the liquor store ON A RIDING MOWER. On the other hand, maybe church parking lot fighting 2 weeks after your naked DUI is getting pretty close.

UPDATE: Thanks to Noel, who directed my attention to this mess.

Photo via Dlisted

Loretta Lynn Is 77 Years Old and Cooler Than I’ll Ever Be.

Chastain Park

When I heard three months ago that Loretta Lynn was playing Chastain Park Amphitheater, there was no way I was gonna miss it. Those of you who live in Atlanta are familiar with Chastain. But for people out of town, Chastain Park is an absolutely beautiful city park in Buckhead. There are horse stables, and leafy, winding roads and it’s gorgeous. The amphitheater is a wonderful place to see a show since it’s relatively small, and  you can nearly always bring in coolers and little tray tables. You can rent a table down in front and you can either bring dinner or have it catered. Long story slightly shortened: it’s a lovely place to spend an evening.

So my bestie Carla and I met up to spend an evening with the most famous daughter of a coal miner in the world. We heard from Carla’s hairdresser – reliable gay source – that there was a cool new bar in the basement of the Georgian Terrace Hotel. I lived in the Georgian Terrace for a week last year while a TV series filmed in my house, so it brings back great memories; memories of having the car brought around so I could take the girls to school, and memories of ordering up slices of cheesecake and milk before bed. I could get used to that life quick, fast and in a hurry.

Anyhoo, the place – Proof & Provision – looked really intriguing so we took seat to check out the menu. And then we sat. And sat. And sat some more. Finally a very irritated-looking kitchen guy brought over water and silverware. And then we sat, watching the two waitresses stand over by the bar, picking at their nails and playing with their hair. Nope. Don’t think so, girls! One of the great things about being older is knowing exactly what you don’t need to put up with. We peaced out and went upstairs to the very lovely Livingston Bar, where we enjoyed a couple rounds of Ponce Pom Fizzes and a cheese plate. Delish.

Right around the time we estimated the opening act would be going on, we headed out for the venue. Finding an amazing parking spot (it’s always good when you don’t have to totter on your heels over bumpy trails) made us feel like the night was definitely going in the right direction. In Carla’s super cute cooler, we had the makings for Dark and Stormies so we filled our Solo cups and sat back just in time for Loretta’s daughter Patsy to come out and introduce her mom. She assured us that LL was very excited to perform and that we wouldn’t be disappointed with her…or her dress! Sure enough, the First Lady of Country Music came out in one of her amazing, full skirted, full glittered gowns. Powder blue, naturally. She proceeded to play ALL the hits with her band, the Coal Miners. She kept asking the audience what they wanted to hear and she played ’em all: The Pill, Fist City, You Ain’t Woman Enough, Don’t Come Home A-Drinkin’, Blue Kentucky Girl, You’re Lookin’ At Country, One’s on the Way*, and on and on. In between songs, she bantered with the crowd, inviting everyone up to her ranch in Hurricane Mills – Tennessee’s 7th largest attraction! For Carla and me, hearing those songs was nostalgic and sweet. That’s the sound of growing up. The sound of Hee Haw and Merv Griffin and the Carol Burnett Show. The sound of AM radio.

via @zooeydeschanel (Loretta chose ZD to play her in the Broadway production of Coal Miner’s Daughter.)

And something I realized for the first time Friday night is what a PR problem feminism has. What I mean by that is that someone like Loretta Lynn is unlikely to identify as a feminist. Yet this powerful woman had hit songs in the 1970s about birth control pills, the terror of realizing you had another unplanned baby on the way, the thankless nature of being a wife and mother, etc. If that’s not a feminist, honey, I don’t know what is. I don’t know where we went wrong, but it’s sad to think how few of us want to identify ourselves as feminists these days. I would hope that someone like Loretta Lynn would feel proud of all she did to advance the choices women have today. And she probably does. Who knows? Obviously, after this shitty, shitty legitimate rape-y week, this stuff has been on my mind, as I’ve contemplated how to explain to my daughters that the things the women who came before them fought so hard for are in jeopardy.

I feel so grateful that I got to see her live. I wish she’d done more of the songs from her Jack White collabo, but I’m not complaining. Seeing her was seeing a true living legend and I loved every minute of it.

In case you need a reminder of her astounding talent, here you go:

*What the what? Did you know Shel Silverstein wrote this song?