Category Archives: Real Housewives

“Be Our Guest, Caviar, Versace”: The Real Housewives of Disney

I can’t be bothered to watch The Real Housewives of New York City tonight. Why? Well, I’m exhausted from a day of learning. Yes, learning.

Isn’t that strange? At my job (which I still refer to as my “new job”) the learning curve is steep and sharp. It’s not only that I’m writing in a way that I haven’t in a long time, i.e., NOT ABOUT MYSELF, I’m also learning what is probably very rudimentary IT stuff, and it’s making my head explode.

On top of that, today was the first day of school for the girls. And I had a margarita at dinner that kicked my ass. Well, not kicked. More like tapped.

D’oh! Not tapped! Ugh, you know what I mean…

Earlier today I was poking around the interwebs and was reminded of this clip of the Real Housewives of Disney from Saturday Night Live last winter. Aside from Kristen Wiig – who must be exhausted from being hilarious in everything all the time – the best thing about the video is its witty references to several of our favorite housewife signifiers: terrible “dance singles”, bankruptcies, husbands of questionable sexual orientation (cough*Simon*cough), drinking problems, self-promotion masking as charity, and accidentally having sex with parrots.

See what I mean?

The worst thing about the clip is Lindsay’s face. And how badly she’s messed it up and how much I hate it for her because I always root for that kid. And dammit, the camera may not love her anymore, but it still likes her a lot.

(Sorry you have to click to see it. NBC is stupid and stingy with their videos.)

Put these A**holes in their Place, Milania!

Holy cow! Have you seen the Real Housewives of New Jersey Facebook page today? It’s blowing up with absolutely vile comments about Milania. Jezebel has an impressively well-researched piece about it (damn, they are thorough). Now, if you’ve read this blog at all, you know I think Milania is the HBIC of that show. Although I wouldn’t let my own kids behave like she does, I find her brattiness 100% hilarious for entertainment purposes. My kid climbing into the produce bins at the grocery store? Oh, HELL naw. Teresa’s gravelly-voiced little princess doing it? Reality TV gold.

However. Let’s remember that this kid is 5 years old! She’s 5! Calling her a “bitch” and a “troll” and saying you’d like to “beat the shit out of her” is so far beyond that I just … really, I don’t even have any words. It makes me feel a little sick to be honest.

Are Paul Nassif and Adrienne Maloof Separating?

TMZ is reporting that Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are close to separation. Before you scoff at TMZ, remember that these guys have an unbelievable network of sources – waiters, valets, manicurists – throughout Hollywood. When it comes to entertainment industry news, especially in and around LA, they’re pretty hard to beat, and they’re rarely wrong.

I feel really sad about this if it turns out to be true. I make fun of the Real Housewives all the time, just like pretty much every blog ever. But I always remember that these are real people. Even Teresa. 😉 They may be petty or ridiculous or pretentious or even kinda dumb, but they are people with families and lives that go on beyond the TV show. For me, joking about families falling apart isn’t necessarily off-limits, it’s just not funny. I’m going through a divorce myself and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It sucks and it’s never what anyone wants for themselves and even when it is amicable (as mine is) it still feels like a big fat sad failure.

During the first season of RHOBH, I found Adrienne and Paul’s constant bickering sort of amusing. It seemed like they were one of those couples who just made it work despite annoying each other Paul annoying Adrienne all the time. Holding out hope for them and their sons that they can find a way to fix it.

 

The Real Housewives Top 20 Reunion Moments: I Watched So You Don’t Have To

Andy Cohen must have had a blast compiling the best moments from all of the Housewives reunions. I’m sure it was actually an army of interns, sifting through days worth of footage so Andy could do a quick “yes, yes, no, yes, no way, yes” etc. but whatever: they came up with some GOLDEN material. What follows is my possibly too-thorough recap.

Ramona, have a seat.

#20 Ramona freaks about Alex McCord’s nude pics.When the subject of the nekkid pitchers came up in the very first NY reunion, the ladies clutched their pearls in shock. Jill Zarin actually said, “It’s just not appropriate for the Real Housewives of New York.” OMG, is this heifer serious??

And this brings us to the first angry walk-off! This time it’s Ramona but wait til you see how many of these chicks got up and stormed off the set… Continue reading