Tag Archives: Andy Cohen

“Eat, Drink, and Remarry”: The World According to Ms. Patricia

When Bravo’s “Southern Charm” debuted last year, I tried so hard to hate it. I really did. But despite my best efforts, I’m now out and proud as a huge fan of (almost) everyone on the show. I mean, Shep’s adorable! Cameran seems genuinely nice! Thomas is a lovable doofus! Whitney should be named Wit-ney, am I right?! Landon is…pretty? Craig and Kathryn? Well, as we say down here, bless their hearts.

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But there is no one on this show – hell, no one on ANY show – who can compete with Ms. Patricia Altschul when it comes to wit, glamor, and bell-ringing, gin-scented gentility. She is the true star of the show. Whitney bugs sometimes, but I have to give him this: as executive producer of the show, he gave the world a gift when he introduced us to his mom.

Patricia’s over-the-top interior design sensibilities are matched only by the quickness of her wit. She lives an amazing life that she seems to truly enjoy. And she enjoys it with the effortlessness of someone who was born fabulous and has spent a lifetime cultivating good taste and good times.southern-charm-season-2-photo-diary-patricia-01

From this day forth, I intend to model my life on hers. I haven’t asked her for a list (yet) but from her appearances on the show and her activity on Twitter and Instagram, I imagine she would recommend the following as her guiding principles. Continue reading

Southern Charm: New Favorite Hatewatch?

If you can’t say anything nice, come sit next to me. We need to talk about Bravo’s newest offering, Southern Charm.imgres

Last night the series premiered with an episode titled “Peter Pan Sin-Drome”. (I see what you did there, Andy Cohen.) As expected, the episode was little more than a “meet the cast” showcase, but it gave me some thoughts about what we might see on this show.

It’s hard for a reality show to find the perfect balance between genuine interest in the cast, and genuine interest in slapping the cast hard. I may be speaking way too soon here, but I think Southern Charm looks like a winner. So let’s meet the cast, shall we?

 

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Shep ::

Shep is basically a giant human puppy.  He takes leisure very seriously and spent 5 years at UGA because of course he did. I (grudgingly) give him credit for using the word “tomfoolery” in his bio. Shep is cute and seems 10 years younger than the 34 his bio says he is. I enjoy thinking about how his sixth generation South Carolinian family members feel about seeing him on the show, blowing the family fortune on trucker caps and fun socks. 

 

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Things I’m Thankful For (Now with More Pinterest!)

Reduce, reuse, recycle, right? In the interest of conserving (my) energy, here is a post a wrote one year ago on my old blog. I’ve added a couple of things here and there, but since so much remains the same, I’m throwing it out there one more time. I couldn’t get the spacing to work correctly so I hope it’s not too much of a pain to read. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

The “What I’m Thankful For” writing prompt is about as fresh as MySpace. Yes it’s corny, yes it’s played out, but there’s still something kind of wonderful about sitting down and reflecting on all the blessings in your life, especially when times are a little tough.
This is the type of writing piece I would typically approach well into a second glass of wine, to really get that overly emotional, weepy feeling flowing. But this time, let’s mix it up, shall we? Rather than write it with evening’s mellow glow and edit it with a coffee buzz, I’m gonna go at it right now, 7 a.m., and see what happens.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s take it as a given that I’m grateful for my whole extended family and their love and continued good health, etc. etc.
*deep breath*
I’m thankful, as I always am, for hot and cold indoor plumbing. This is no joke. It’s the first thing I think of every year when I start feeling grateful. Getting out of bed and walking just a couple steps to a hot, steamy shower is just about the best, isn’t it? Take a minute and marinate on that thought.
Ready? Okay, let’s move on.
I’m thankful for my incredible friends. I haven’t done everything just the way I’ve wanted to in life, but I have done a great job cultivating smart, interesting, hilarious people for friends. Yay me.
I’m thankful for the Interwebs. Nope, not the porn, weirdos. Seriously, life has been revolutionized – mostly for the better – by this amazing thing. As just the tiniest example, I love that at 5:30 I can open the fridge, see what I have, type it in to Google and have 50 options to make for dinner.I’m thankful I didn’t grow up in the age of sexting. Or, despite what I just wrote above, the Internet. Jesus, this is a tough time to be a teenager! As rough as it was for us, we weren’t expected to send pictures of our naughty bits to boys we had a passing crush on. Oh, and Pinterest!
I’m thankful to live in Atlanta. And specifically among the pack of weirdos and misfits in Grant Park. Just kidding, you guys. (No, I’m not.) I love how green it is, I love the seasons, I love that while people may not always be super friendly, they are a hell of a lot friendlier than people in other parts of the country. You may not love the interaction you have with the CVS cashier, but at least you will have one.

Stock photos are fun.

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How Your Reality TV Sausage Gets Made

As I’ve slowly outed myself as a lover of reality TV – well, some reality TV – one of the things I often hear/read is that it’s all fake, or it’s all scripted, or the producers engineer scenarios. I don’t fully agree with that – most of these people are not good enough actors to convey such real emotions – but I also couldn’t fully disagree. I’ve always wondered how much is real and how much is as fake as Teresa’s tan.

Never thought I’d say this, but thank goodness for Jill Zarin! Good old J-Z was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy the other night, and among many other things, she explained how she engineered her conflict with Bethenney for ratings. Nice work, ding dong! Like so many before her, it seems Jill’s persona as a reality “star” at some point became more real to her than her persona as a “sane person.” I feel a little tiny bit bad for her. Don’t get me wrong: she is bananas. But her breakdown of how the whole conflict with Bethenney played out was actually really interesting. Continue reading

New Jersey Reunion Parts 2, 3, Infinity . . .

I usually watch Bravo shows to feel better about life. There’s the schadenfreude (duh!), there’s the pretty clothes and shoes and hair, and there’s the faux Caribbean jazz that is the soundtrack of all Bravo shows. Pretty much always puts me in a good mood.

But the reunion of The Real Housewives of New Jersey made me feel nothing but down. I wish I could get back the three hours I spent watching it. Oof. THREE. HOURS.

Quite frankly, (I’m Aviva now!) the problem is Teresa and Joe Giudice and their outsize role in the storylines of the show. I’m a little afraid Teresa’s army of rabid fans will somehow crash this site if I say it, but I think the Giudices are some of the worst people I’ve ever seen on television. They are delusional, angry, vindictive, rage-y, and full of hate and envy. And my boyfriend Andy Cohen and his producers have allowed their shenanigans to hijack the show.

We keep hearing how close Teresa was to her brother Joe before he got married. She gets teary and agitated whenever she talks about how Joe changed when he met Melissa. From the beginning, I’ve thought Teresa’s attachment to her brother was way beyond just “close”, right on in to “not normal.” Her jealousy of his attention to Melissa is a little bizarre.

The single story this season, up to and including the reunion, was Teresa vs. Everyone Else. And it was just boring. Yes, the contrast between the charming Season One Teresa and the vindictive Season Four witch is pretty bleak. But that doesn’t make it interesting. These shows work when there are relationships of all kinds – some love, some hate, some indifference – and when the alliances shift around. Jersey had none of that this year and it was ultimately lifeless.

I think this picture sums up the season: (after the jump) Continue reading

New Jersey Reunion Part 1: What Just Happened?

I’m still processing everything that went down last night during the Jersey reunion. Yeesh.

Actually, what “went down” was essentially nothing. Nothing was resolved, nothing was mended, nothing was even discussed, really. It was just Teresa vs. everyone else. As Aviva would say, this is getting old, quite frankly.

So, here’s my recap of Reunion Part 1: (read it with an eye roll in your voice)

Kathy’s new face, Teresa’s pageant dress, Teresa hates everyone, Caroline is indignant, everyone hates Teresa, Jacqueline is crying, miracle baby, hott Lauren, “napalm!”, Melissa is over it, “Your mother’s a liar,” muffled shouting.

The source of the shouting? That would be Rosie! Yes, Kathy’s sister. Teresa’s cousin. Sounds like Rosie took issue with Teresa’s unkind statement about Rosie and Kathy’s dad.

Um, I would think that by now Teresa would know: ROSIE DON’T PLAY.

In Part 2, I’m sure everybody will calm down. They’ll take a breath. They’ll engage in loving conversations that bring them back to what’s really important: family.  

Or not.

Gifs: RealityTVGifs

Dance Single “Who Gon Check Me Boo” Exists, World Asks Why

I need to just acknowledge that this is the week of being behind on things I should already know about. First Randy Travis’ arrest and now Sheree’s “music.”

I’d like to bring your attention to a “dance single” by Ms. Sheree Whitfield of The Real (Broke) Housewives of Atlanta.

In Andy Cohen’s book Most Talkative, which I may or may not have read in 2 sittings, he reveals (now it can be told!) that the Atlanta franchise of the show is the ratings title-holder. Seriously, more people watch Atlanta than any of the other real housewives, which is awesome and weird.

But Seasons 1 and 2 were real gems, weren’t they? I’m not sure there’s a more recognizable Housewife line than Sheree’s infamous “Who gon’ check me, boo?” during her showdown with the party planner. When he failed to deliver the level of service this dee-va was expecting for her divorce party (!), Sheree got salty with him. Sassy party planner advised her that she should watch out before she “gets checked.” Oh, you guyyys, Sheree did NOT like that. Take a look. (Sorry for the crummy quality.)

 

And since I can’t resist a gif, here it is again:

Well, Sheree is an expert gold digger and she doesn’t let the opportunity for a check get by her. So she did what any of us would do to make a little cash: turned her line into a “song.”

This is real. You can buy it on iTunes. We live in this world.

If it weren’t for T.Kyle Mac and his fantastic website, I would never have known. Sigh. I need to step it up.

The Real Housewives Top 20 Reunion Moments: I Watched So You Don’t Have To

Andy Cohen must have had a blast compiling the best moments from all of the Housewives reunions. I’m sure it was actually an army of interns, sifting through days worth of footage so Andy could do a quick “yes, yes, no, yes, no way, yes” etc. but whatever: they came up with some GOLDEN material. What follows is my possibly too-thorough recap.

Ramona, have a seat.

#20 Ramona freaks about Alex McCord’s nude pics.When the subject of the nekkid pitchers came up in the very first NY reunion, the ladies clutched their pearls in shock. Jill Zarin actually said, “It’s just not appropriate for the Real Housewives of New York.” OMG, is this heifer serious??

And this brings us to the first angry walk-off! This time it’s Ramona but wait til you see how many of these chicks got up and stormed off the set… Continue reading

The Post That Started It All

Last year I posted a pretty long piece on my personal blog about the REAL Real Housewives of Atlanta. The thing still gets hits every single day. Hmm, seems I’m not the only one interested in comparing Andy Cohen’s vision of Atlanta with the way it really goes down in A-town. I mean, you’re here, right?

I hope you’ll come back again and again for this real housewife’s recaps and call-outs of the harpies on Bravo.

It’s long, but have a look… Continue reading