Tag Archives: Angelina Jolie

You Guys, I’m Pretty Sure Angelina Jolie Didn’t Cut Off Her Boobs for Money or Publicity

I’m loosely affiliated with a group of mid-life bloggers called Generation Fabulous. By “loosely affiliated” I mean that I was invited to join the group after a friend of a friend who is one of the group’s founders read my post about Match.com. I was and am thrilled to be a part of the group. I don’t post with them very often, primarily because I still think I’m in my late 30s (which I definitely am not) rather than in mid-life. This is my own issue, not proud of it, blah blah blah. Also, I mostly write about superficial stuff and my posts about being annoyed by Beyonce and Gwyneth’s friendship don’t look too good next to pieces about caring for our aging parents.

Even though I don’t post much, I love what the Gen Fabbers are doing and I think it’s cool that marketers are starting to pay attention to this very influential demographic. Until recently it seemed like they were only interested in mommy bloggers. I like to keep up with what’s happening and there is some really great writing happening in the group.

One of the ways I keep up is via a group Facebook page. This morning, someone posted a link to a site which claims to have “proof” that Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy was “part of a clever corporate scheme to protect billions in BRCA gene patents and influence Supreme Court decision.”

Say what?

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The Non-Definitive List of Things That Entertained Me the Most in 2012

1. Angelina’s leg at the Oscars

I don’t watch the Oscars (I know) because as much as I love celebrities and movies, the self-congratulatory, overly serious tone of awards shows makes me feel barfy. My disdain for Angelina Jolie is well known among my friends so on Oscar night, when I started getting texts and tweets and Facebook messages about Angelina’s leg, I knew it was something big.

It was better than I could have even hoped for. tumblr_m029asjEQI1rn6e3mo1_500An “Angelina’s Leg” Twitter feed was born before the show was even over. Over the next few days, the memes were everywhere. Some of them were amazing.imgres

I still think “Angelina’s Leg” was the best meme of the year, better even than Binders Full of Women.

It’s really not even about schadenfruede (it kinda is). It’s about someone being an ass and acting as though it’s part of her spellbinding mystique. Sorry, Ange. Not this time.

2. Blue Ivy Carter’s earthly debut

My loathing for Angelina is equaled only by my love for Jay-Z and Beyonce. I don’t care if she maybe didn’t actually give birth to BIC. Or maybe shut down the maternity ward at Lenox Hill Hospital. Or even that they tried to trademark the name Blue Ivy Carter, or any of the other out-of-touch rich people stuff they may or may not have done. My love for them is irrational. And enduring. In addition to the baby, Beyonce made a tumblr this year and it is just, well, everything.

3. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis: “Thrift Shop” video

I should be ashamed of how many times I watched this. Should be. But this is f*cking awesome.

4. Britney on The X-Factor

Have I watched the show even once? No. Don’t need to when I have T.Kyle Mac and his Britney gifs. As my pal Rob Sheffield says, watching Britney try to appear normal is more entertaining than anything else on the show. tumblr_mf03h9Hpvf1ql5yr7o2_250tumblr_mf03h9Hpvf1ql5yr7o1_250

 

 

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Best of the Blog: The Angelina Jolie Problem

It used to be that everyone who read my blog knew me in real life. I’m glad to say that’s not true anymore (hello, new readers!). So that we can get to know each other better, I’ve decided to feature a few of the most discussed posts from my old blog. Let’s begin right here, with my Hollywood nemesis. That’s right, Angelina Jolie. This was originally posted on 5.26.11.

It’s 4:30 pm and I’m already halfway through my first glass of wine. Why? Because the bugs are back. That’s right: lice. Again. No one indulged my wish to be smothered with a pillow so I’ve spent the day in an incredible state of tension while combing, clipping, picking, vacuuming and washing. I need a break. Blogging sounds good. When I asked Facebook friends to help me come up with some topics the other day, man – did they come through! I’ll start with an easy one, and one that fits my terrible mood: “Tell us why you don’t like Angelina Jolie.” Here we go…

1. Bitch is fake.
This is probably my biggest beef with AJ. We should really be calling her Angie Voight, by the way, since that’s her name, but whatever. I understand that it is common in Hollywood to be called by other than one’s government name, and apparently her actual middle name is Jolie. But I think it is hilarious that she goes by Jolie instead of Voight. Voight. Say it out loud and you will smile as you picture her struttin’ around Cannes as Angie Voight. You know how when you are in another country and some shop or restaurant is randomly named an English word? Like an “American-style” restaurant in Italy will be called Buffalo or something. Or a clothing store in Paris will be called Gigolo. You always kind of crack up. Do you think the French crack up at Ange calling herself “Little Angie Beautiful”?

The name, though, is only the tip of the fake iceberg. As long as Angie has been on our radar, she has aggressively positioned herself as “other”, one who looks down on the fakeness of Hollywood. Um, what has she done as an “actor” that makes her different from any other starlet, other than have brown hair? (I know – she’s an ambassador and has 40 kids. We’ll get to that.) Tattoos? Yawn. Dabbling in lesbianism? Next! She’s still had the nose job and the boob job. Don’t believe me? Click here or do a simple Google search. Such a cliched route and especially funny because she’s always acting like all that bullshit is beneath her.

Caveat: making out with her brother. That was genuinely freaky. Ick. Nast. Continue reading