Tag Archives: Apollo Nida

5 Unanswered Questions from This Week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta

The crew is back in the A! Thank ya, Jesus, because I couldn’t take any more of a certain housewife’s embarrassing ring grab. This episode was refreshingly light on the Krazy.

As always, though, I have questions the show did not answer.

Let’s get to it.

1. Have you ever witnessed a grosser make-out than Phaedra and Apollo’s?

I mean, I guess if the blogs start saying your marriage is in trouble, the best way to combat it is just straight GNAWING on each other’s faces? Apollo looked hongray for Phaedra’s tongue, didn’t he?! Dial it down, y’all! Eww.

YUMMY!

YUMMY!

2. When did Cynthia decide to give up on the whole “classy” thing?

It seems comical now (well, more comical) that Cynthia’s intro is “Beauty fades. But class is forever.” She seems to have decided she’s some kind of bad bitch, always stirring things up and making nasty little asides. In Atlanta, everybody knows (® Phaedra) that the Clermont Lounge is an institution. You don’t go in there making stink faces at the strippers of a certain age. She and Peter were both disrespectful asshats and really should have been thrown out. Cynthia, we know you’re grasping at relevance, but try to be a little more subtle, ‘k?

Classy, Cynthia. Very classy.

Classy, Cynthia. Very classy.

Phaedra – as always – saved the scene with her smiling gaze at the dancers and her voiceover that seeing older women loving their nude bodies was “just scrumptious!”

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: This Week’s 5 Unanswered Questions

So, Phaedra accidentally donkey-booty dialed Nene. Phaedra describes donkey bootyNene heard Phaedra say not nice things about Cynthia, so of course she had to go tattle to Cynthia. Whatever. Cynthia-centered plot lines bore the stuffing outta me and this is no exception. Also, Kim is moving out of the “haunted house” and Porsha made breakfast and Kenya is nuts.

But there are still some questions I’d like answered from last night’s episode.

1. Has Walter really never seen Kenya’s backyard?

That’s not a metaphor. I’m pretty sure that when she invited him over for the microwaved Trader Joe’s homemade dinner, he made some comment about how nice it was back there, indicating he had never seen the back deck. She also made some apologizing noises about the stairs. Is this the first time this poor sucker has been to his girlfriend’s house? Does she actually live there? And is she seriously talking about wanting a baby with this guy? And does she think the basis of a good marriage is perpetrating the lie that you can cook? And doing it badly (strands of pasta in a grill pan)? That was way more than one question but I’m truly flummoxed by Kenya’s crazy ass.

2. Did Porsha just say “fraudulent slip”?

Because I’m pretty she did. Explaining to her husband about accidentally calling Kenya Miss America, she described it as a fraudulent slip. Okay. This means that she not only doesn’t know the word is Freudian, she also misunderstands the whole concept. “Freudian slip” is not exactly an uncommon phrase, right? I mean, I think even eighth graders use it properly. But in the preview for next week, Porsha describes her organization as not about feeding the hungry only on Thanksgiving; they are “active 265 days a year.” So yeah. Continue reading

Oh, Dear. We Need to Talk About These New Housewives

Because my gay boyfriend Andy Cohen likes to mix things up, he’s added a couple of new, ahem, “ladies” to the lineups of Beverly Hills and Atlanta. Although there’s not a chance I would ever be friends with any of them, I’m afraid they’re gonna make great TV. Le sigh.

Yolanda Foster ::

Yolanda Hadid FosterSo, this Yolanda person is married to frequent Grammy winner David Foster. I feel like he’s part of that very weirdly incestuous Hollywood crowd that includes Linda Thompson, who dated Elvis and was married to Bruce Jenner. And is the mom of uber-bro Brody Jenner. I think maybe she was married to David Foster but I don’t feel like looking that up.

Anyhoo, Yolanda. Um, I think she may have had some work done. Maybe. She claims she’s 48. [EDITED to remove not nice statement about her appearance.] So far, she bores. It appears that at some point this season she goes off on someone, somewhere, for some reason. She better not go after my Brandi or we’re gonna have a problem.

 

 

 

Porsha Stewart ::

Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of AtlantaAnother one who’s married to someone extremely famous. I know nothing about football – less than nothing, actually – but even I know who Kordell Stewart is. He is a legit famous person! Porsha hasn’t appeared in an episode yet so I can’t say a whole lot about her. Except! In that extended trailer for the new season, she appears to receive a check for “Two huddred thousan DOLLERS!” from her husband. Um, that check better be for charity. Otherwise, they are tackier than I even imagined.

Porsha Stewart, Kordell Stewart, Atlanta, home

This portrait in the Stewart home tells me all I need to know about these two.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kenya Moore ::

Kenya Moore, Atlanta, Real HousewivesThis one. When I see her face, I imagine George Takei’s famous “Oh, myyy.”

She seems thoroughly awful. And I know I said this before, but I think she is probably the only cast member whose food may have been spit into more than Ramona Singer’s. And her “cakes”? There is not even a chance those are real. Which brings me to something I’ve often wondered about. Women don’t seem embarrassed to admit to breast implants. But no one ever admits their “donkey booty” (© Phaedra Parks) is store-bought. Why?

Speaking of Phae, it would appear that something untoward goes down between her hubs, Apollo and Krazy Kenya. Grr. Do NOT mess with Miss Phaedra, Kenya. I will personally come after you.

 

Cynthia Bailey gif

I agree, Cynthia. Enough!

What about you, readers? Do you like these chicks? Do you think I’m gonna need to organize a gang to defend Phaedra against Krazy Kenya?

Photos: Bravtotv.com
Gif: Realitytvgifs.tumblr.com 

Everybody Knows…Phaedra Parks Needs Her Own Show

Really, Andy Cohen? Really?! Of all the Atlanta housewives the one who gets her own spinoff is Kim Zolciak? Have you been paying attention the past two seasons? Let’s face it: Kim was snoozeville last season. She was hardly in any of the scenes, and when she was, it was just “blah blah Kroy’s ass is hot blah.” (As an aside, whose idea was the title “Don’t Be Tardy For the Wedding”? It’s so awkward.) Anyhoo.

“Miss Teen Phaedra”

The one to watch is Phaedra. Continue reading