Tag Archives: Cynthia Bailey

Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part 1 TONIGHT!

We’re just hours away from part one of the super-sized Real Housewives of Atlanta season 5 reunion show and for me, it can’t be 8 pm soon enough! This season was a little ho-hum but the reunion looks goooood, doesn’t it?

Since it’s very clear that Andy Cohen reads my blog – how else to explain Fashion Queens? – the other ladies probably do, too. So I’ll address each of them individually and let them know what I think of their performances this season.

Phaedra Parks ::  Donkologist, Ph D

Phaedra, you are a delightful mystery to me. You live contentedly in Phaedra World, a place where every idea is turned into a business and where a charmingly cracked Southern charm is the coin of the realm. But it’s a nice place and I love you for making a home there with Apollo and Ayden. I’m pleased to see that the marital discord Bravo hinted at in the trailer for this season turned out to be a bunch of bunk and I know you must be so happy to be bringing another little chicken nugget into the world. Anytime you want to go for a day drink at the Clermont Lounge, I’m down.tumblr_mg8g040Ws81ql5yr7o1_400

Kandi Burruss :: The Hungry, Happy Housewife

Kandi, you may want to have a chat with the producers about the editing this season. Girl, they made you look like you would do anything for a plate of food! Maybe you’re ok with it but I think I’d be a little miffed if I had put on a noticeable amount of weight and then every episode showed me yammering about food! I’m guessing you probably don’t care though. And, really, why should you? You seem genuinely happy with Todd, Riley seems to like him, you took a few steps back from Mama Joyce, and you own a bad ass mansion. Good for you and may your empire – whoaOHOH! – keep growing.tumblr_mjas0t874x1ql5yr7o1_400

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5 Unanswered Questions from This Week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta

The crew is back in the A! Thank ya, Jesus, because I couldn’t take any more of a certain housewife’s embarrassing ring grab. This episode was refreshingly light on the Krazy.

As always, though, I have questions the show did not answer.

Let’s get to it.

1. Have you ever witnessed a grosser make-out than Phaedra and Apollo’s?

I mean, I guess if the blogs start saying your marriage is in trouble, the best way to combat it is just straight GNAWING on each other’s faces? Apollo looked hongray for Phaedra’s tongue, didn’t he?! Dial it down, y’all! Eww.

YUMMY!

YUMMY!

2. When did Cynthia decide to give up on the whole “classy” thing?

It seems comical now (well, more comical) that Cynthia’s intro is “Beauty fades. But class is forever.” She seems to have decided she’s some kind of bad bitch, always stirring things up and making nasty little asides. In Atlanta, everybody knows (® Phaedra) that the Clermont Lounge is an institution. You don’t go in there making stink faces at the strippers of a certain age. She and Peter were both disrespectful asshats and really should have been thrown out. Cynthia, we know you’re grasping at relevance, but try to be a little more subtle, ‘k?

Classy, Cynthia. Very classy.

Classy, Cynthia. Very classy.

Phaedra – as always – saved the scene with her smiling gaze at the dancers and her voiceover that seeing older women loving their nude bodies was “just scrumptious!”

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Oh, Dear. We Need to Talk About These New Housewives

Because my gay boyfriend Andy Cohen likes to mix things up, he’s added a couple of new, ahem, “ladies” to the lineups of Beverly Hills and Atlanta. Although there’s not a chance I would ever be friends with any of them, I’m afraid they’re gonna make great TV. Le sigh.

Yolanda Foster ::

Yolanda Hadid FosterSo, this Yolanda person is married to frequent Grammy winner David Foster. I feel like he’s part of that very weirdly incestuous Hollywood crowd that includes Linda Thompson, who dated Elvis and was married to Bruce Jenner. And is the mom of uber-bro Brody Jenner. I think maybe she was married to David Foster but I don’t feel like looking that up.

Anyhoo, Yolanda. Um, I think she may have had some work done. Maybe. She claims she’s 48. [EDITED to remove not nice statement about her appearance.] So far, she bores. It appears that at some point this season she goes off on someone, somewhere, for some reason. She better not go after my Brandi or we’re gonna have a problem.

 

 

 

Porsha Stewart ::

Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of AtlantaAnother one who’s married to someone extremely famous. I know nothing about football – less than nothing, actually – but even I know who Kordell Stewart is. He is a legit famous person! Porsha hasn’t appeared in an episode yet so I can’t say a whole lot about her. Except! In that extended trailer for the new season, she appears to receive a check for “Two huddred thousan DOLLERS!” from her husband. Um, that check better be for charity. Otherwise, they are tackier than I even imagined.

Porsha Stewart, Kordell Stewart, Atlanta, home

This portrait in the Stewart home tells me all I need to know about these two.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kenya Moore ::

Kenya Moore, Atlanta, Real HousewivesThis one. When I see her face, I imagine George Takei’s famous “Oh, myyy.”

She seems thoroughly awful. And I know I said this before, but I think she is probably the only cast member whose food may have been spit into more than Ramona Singer’s. And her “cakes”? There is not even a chance those are real. Which brings me to something I’ve often wondered about. Women don’t seem embarrassed to admit to breast implants. But no one ever admits their “donkey booty” (© Phaedra Parks) is store-bought. Why?

Speaking of Phae, it would appear that something untoward goes down between her hubs, Apollo and Krazy Kenya. Grr. Do NOT mess with Miss Phaedra, Kenya. I will personally come after you.

 

Cynthia Bailey gif

I agree, Cynthia. Enough!

What about you, readers? Do you like these chicks? Do you think I’m gonna need to organize a gang to defend Phaedra against Krazy Kenya?

Photos: Bravtotv.com
Gif: Realitytvgifs.tumblr.com