Tag Archives: David Petraeus

Twenty Thousand Emails? Ok, Now I’m Interested

What in the HELL?

After my rant last night about how boring this scandal is, consider my tune changed! Even though the players aren’t as sexy as I would like, this thing just got a lot more interesting.

To recap: The director of the CIA begins an affair with his biographer. She starts getting jealous, worried that another hussy is in the mix. Biographer begins a wackjob intimidation campaign against her perceived rival, who is not only a socialite but also a “military liaison” (sometimes the jokes write themselves). While Socialite is receiving these harassing emails from Biographer, she is also busy exchanging an absurd number of emails with another top military man, who is not David Petraeus. Socialite gets spooked by the Biographer’s harassing emails and puts in a call to her pal, who is an FBI agent. Because that’s totally what you do. Agent gets a little overzealous about the situation and at some point, decides to send Socialite a shirtless picture of himself. Everyone’s cover is blown because a player couldn’t stay cool.

Does that sound about right?

Here are a few questions I have:

1. Why do I never see job openings for socialite positions? I would be great at that job.

2. How – how?! – do you exchange that many emails in a roughly two year period? Have these people never heard of sexting?

3. Will we ever be a society in which a woman in power – someone who is about as attractive as Hillary, let’s say – is hotly and a little crazily pursued by a younger, more attractive man who is dazzled by her power and brilliance?

What do you think, readers?

Gawker's Petraeus scandal chart

Gawker’s brilliant infographic

Le Scandale Petraeus Proves We Are Definitely Not France

Uh oh. J’ai fait une erreur.

When my babies’ daddy was here Friday picking up the kids, the David Petraeus story had just broken. We chatted briefly and Dave’s reaction was, “Why the hell is he leaving his job? What does this have to do with his ability to lead the CIA?” I replied that if nothing else, it showed extremely poor judgment and possibly jeopardized national security.

What?! Why did I even say that? I guess I figured the whole story wasn’t out yet; that there must be something big and scary and ugly to it. Maybe there is, but at this point, unless there’s something I don’t know yet – always a safe bet – it makes no sense to me that he is resigning his position.

And it really doesn’t add up when you start to think about what “his position” actually is. This dude runs the CIA. Think about some of the atrocities this organization has been a part of. (Seriously, take a second.) But somehow unauthorized getting down is the part we simply WILL NOT tolerate?

Is the biographer actually a hooker? Is somebody pregnant? Did Petraeus and his ladyfriend dig a shallow grave for a nosy old lady who witnessed a tryst? Were there sex parties at the Saudi Embassy paid for by the US government? Did Petraeus give his side girl human slaves as tokens of love? Because if not, I give this scandal a D-.


Idea: reality show! Let’s bring all the players together in a bland DC apartment and put them through a series of challenges. With drinking! And family secrets! And lots of drinking.

That way, this thing might start to get interesting. Until then, je suis ennuyé.Ryan Reynolds gif

I know I’m making light of this situation and at least 2 families are in ruins because of what happened between a man and a woman. I don’t mean to minimize the pain of anyone directly involved, obviously.

UPDATE: The emergence of the second woman? Now we’re gettin’ somewhere!

Photo credit: Wikipedia
Gif: myfriendsare married.tumblr.com