Tag Archives: Jay-Z

An Open Letter to Kim and Kanye’s Baby

Hello Baby Kardashian-West!

You are a baby! A new human life! Like any baby, I wish the best for you. Happiness, good health, prosperity and lots of laughs.

I’m not sure how familiar you are with your parents yet, but I’m gonna do you a favor and fill you in on a couple things.

Sigh. This won’t be easy but I want you to know it’s for your own good, ok?

See, your dad is Kanye West. I’ll tell you right now that I am a superfan. Your dad’s album “The College Dropout” was a game-changer, and joined a short list of albums – including “Kid A” (Radiohead), “Exile In Guyville” (Liz Phair), “Back to Black” (Amy Winehouse) – that I played the actual HELL out of. Your pop is super, super talented. So, that’s great, right?kanye-kilt

Uh, yeah. The problem is that he’s also kind of a huge jackass. A lot of people really don’t like him. Like, really don’t like him. As he says in his tune “Diamonds”:

The international ASSHOLE
Who complain about what he’s owed
And throw a tantrum like he’s 3 years old

His hubris is legendary. Mr. West is probably better known by the public for his awards shows freak-outs, grandiose statements, grouchy interviews and “the mic grab heard ’round the world” than he is for his awesome musical talents. He has built up a pretty breathtaking amount of ill will from the public.

You probably just need to know that, ok?

And kid, we also have to talk about your mom. And her family. I know this hurts, but let’s just do it.

Continue reading

For No Good Reason, the Gwyneth-Beyonce Friendship Bugs Me

I mean, look at these two.

The first time I saw them together in public was Beyonce’s birthday in London in 2009. I was sure it some flukey thing between Chris Martin and Jay-Z. I imagined Beyonce gritting her teeth through a smile and hissing quietly at Jay, “I said TWO hours, ok?! Let’s GO! I can’t stand this brat.”

 

But boy, was I wrong! They’re constantly hanging out together. Everywhere! How can Beyonce stand her? (Then again, how can Chris Martin stand her? That’s a whole other can of organic artisanal worms.)  Continue reading

Linked Out Love :: September 21, 2012

It didn’t make a big splash, but Fiona Apple was arrested for drug possession this week when her tour bus was pulled over and hash was found on board. Innocent until proven guilty and all that, but the mugshot is all the evidence I need that homegirl is BAKED. (Popbytes)

In other drug-related news, a drunk and high 51-year-old lady “pirate” commandeers a passenger ferry yelling, “I’m Jack Sparrow!” as she attempts to elude authorities. Is this hilarious or terrifying? (Gawker)

The people in this gif are Jack White, Amy Winehouse, Jay-Z and Beyonce. I have no idea why they are all together, where this took place, no idea when it was filmed, and I care not one tiny bit. Because this is proof that at some moment in time, 4 people I completely geek out over were in the same room. (Beyoncegifs.tumblr.com)

Let’s leave politics out of this and just agree that Mittens got a comically bad spray tan. (ColorLines)

Ok, just one more about politics: the MC Hammer/Obama mash-up “U Didn’t Build That.” Delightful for lovers and haters alike. (Buzzfeed)

And finally, I’ll use the same headline for this that my friend Tom did: FLORIDA!!!  (Jalopnik and Thomas Ronca)

Have a great weekend!