Tag Archives: June

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’s Christmas Card!

And it is the most delightful thing ever and totally reminds me why I love this family.

honey boo boo christmas cardI’ve written about this before, but something that I really hate about modern life is what I call the Tyranny of Tastefulness. I blame it on Martha Stewart and her ilk telling all of us what “classy” looks like, dooming families to be photographed year after year in white shirts and jeans for their holiday cards.

The Shannon/Thomson family is not having any of that! I LOVE that they are not all color coordinated. That Sugar Bear is WEARING HIS BALL CAP. He’s all, “I got a hit teevee show and I ain’t takin’ my damn cap off if I don’t wawn’t to.” I also love whatever is going on with the background there. Are they in a WalMart? Possibly. Or maybe Shh! It’s A Wig!* staged family portraits this year. (That would explain Alana’s green extensions. Or hat. Or whatever is happening on her head.)

I also love that they are straight up, “Yeah, that’s the baby Chickadee had and she’s cute! We dare you to judge her for being an unmarried teen mom.” Chickadee and Pumpkin making the exact same face? Adorbz. (Yes, I know their names. There’s no need for judgment.)

Contrast this with the Kartrashians’ 2012 Christmas card, the embodiment of everything I hate:

Kardashian Christmas cardUgh. They are so gross. Mostly because they think they’re NOT gross. They think they’re klassy in their all white outfits. And they think we’re all too stupid to notice that they were obviously never all in the same room for this cobbled together, Photoshopped “merriment.”

My wish for each of you is a Honey Boo Boo holiday: one in which we can all be exactly who we are, no Photoshop necessary!

*Also known as “Shit’s A Wig”

 

11 Things That Will Still Be Okay No Matter What Happens Tuesday

I don’t know about you all, but I have to work hard to not feel scared – terrified, really – about what’s happening in our country. So as not to be coy, I’ll be clear that I am a huge Obama supporter. I desperately hope that he’s reelected. I believe that he’s playing the long game and is much more likely to take us where we need to be than his opponent is. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Respect all viewpoints, agree to disagree, ad infinitum.

The sad reality is that the man who gets elected President on Tuesday will begin his administration with only half the country’s support. HALF. For whatever reason, neither Obama nor Romney has convinced a clear majority of us that he’s the man for the job. I’m fearful that the party that doesn’t prevail will continue the partisan antics that have stopped the country dead in its tracks, making sure to block any good the other party tries to do. In the wake of Sandy, the “shutup and get shit done” philosophy of officials like Gov. Chris Christie and Newark Mayor Corey Booker is encouraging. Gee, maybe all it’s gonna take to focus all of us on our shared American-ness is a series of crushing disasters? Uggggh.

However! What happens Tuesday will not affect the awesomeness of any of the things I’ve listed below. Take comfort in that, friends. Take comfort.

1. Five Guys burgers will still be extremely delicious.

2. George Clooney’s face: unlikely to undergo a hideous transformation overnight.

3. Gifs will still exist. Thank ya, Jesus!

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12 Last Minute Celebrity Halloween Costumes

Are you sick of dressing up as Skanky Elmo? Tired of your Sexy Garbage Collector costume? It’s time to update! You need to be current (please, no more Jersey Shore outfits) but you don’t have much time.

Don’t worry; I got you.

1. Taylor Swift ::
Throw on a curly blond wig, some matte red lipstick, and a demure but sweetly sexy 50s-style dress. Carry around a guitar and spontaneously belt out songs directed at anyone who even thinks about not loving you. Bonus points if you can include the phrase “pouring rain” in every tune.

2. Lindsay Lohan ::
Wear a red wig and make a duck face all night. This works better if you’re over 45.

Oof, Lindz. I really just want to hug you.

3. Chris Brown ::
Better yet, go as the Dlisted version, Fist Brown. Draw on a bunch of hideous tattoos and walk around being rage-y at everyone and denying you’re back with Rihanna. (You totally are.) Continue reading

Bravo’s Sneaky Editors Did It Again!

We frequently hear from people on reality shows – particularly the villains – that it’s the editing that makes them look bad. Sure, they may have said whatever horribly offensive thing they said, but they always claim it’s “out of context.”

We’ve been seeing Aviva’s “You’re both white trash, quite frankly” bit in endless Bravo teasers since before the season even began. When the episode aired, we saw Aviva haughtily calling out Ramonja. Reaction shots make it look like they are shocked and hurt by Aviva’s accusations. But was it really Sonja and Ramona that Aviva was addressing? Or did Bravo’s editors pull a fast one?

Now it can be revealed! In raw video my sources obtained, we finally see what really went down that night in St. Barths. Click through if you can handle the truth. Continue reading

What We’re Really Talking About When We Talk About “Honey Boo Boo”

People who know me and also read this blog have asked me a couple times now what I think about TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” I haven’t been able to respond because I really wasn’t sure what I thought. I needed to marinate. Also, I hadn’t seen the show until I watched the 3 episodes available online the other day. (I ditched cable. I regret it.)

I became familiar with Honey Boo Boo Child when my friend Andy posted the original “a dolla makes me holla!” video on my Facebook page with a message that said  “that kid you gave up for adoption is on Toddlers and Tiaras now.” Jokes! Of course I watched it about 4 times in a row, and I felt a strange mixture of horrified, charmed, amused, depressed, and worried. When she grabs her belly fat, I just…I can’t. In case you haven’t seen it (or have blocked it from memory), here it is:

People get so worked up over reality TV. And, in a way, I get it. It’s worse than a carnival freak show because unlike the freaks in a hot, sweaty tent, we only watch; we don’t have to make eye contact with them. (Which I accidentally did at a South Florida fairground freak show. I need to write about that.) And yes, I think a big part of reality TV’s appeal is the “at least I’m better than them” factor.

But what really makes me clutch my pearls and do the whole “who will think of the children?!” routine is the thought that Charlie fucking Sheen enjoys the level of fame and riches he does. Until very recently, Charlie Sheen was the highest paid man on television. He was making 1.25 million dollars per episode of that hideously unfunny show he was on. He even managed to make money off of his spectacular meltdown. And he’s on TV again! Barf. That troubles me far more than the kids on Jersey Shore allowing their drunken hookups to be filmed. Continue reading