Tag Archives: Kanye West

An Open Letter to Kim and Kanye’s Baby

Hello Baby Kardashian-West!

You are a baby! A new human life! Like any baby, I wish the best for you. Happiness, good health, prosperity and lots of laughs.

I’m not sure how familiar you are with your parents yet, but I’m gonna do you a favor and fill you in on a couple things.

Sigh. This won’t be easy but I want you to know it’s for your own good, ok?

See, your dad is Kanye West. I’ll tell you right now that I am a superfan. Your dad’s album “The College Dropout” was a game-changer, and joined a short list of albums – including “Kid A” (Radiohead), “Exile In Guyville” (Liz Phair), “Back to Black” (Amy Winehouse) – that I played the actual HELL out of. Your pop is super, super talented. So, that’s great, right?kanye-kilt

Uh, yeah. The problem is that he’s also kind of a huge jackass. A lot of people really don’t like him. Like, really don’t like him. As he says in his tune “Diamonds”:

The international ASSHOLE
Who complain about what he’s owed
And throw a tantrum like he’s 3 years old

His hubris is legendary. Mr. West is probably better known by the public for his awards shows freak-outs, grandiose statements, grouchy interviews and “the mic grab heard ’round the world” than he is for his awesome musical talents. He has built up a pretty breathtaking amount of ill will from the public.

You probably just need to know that, ok?

And kid, we also have to talk about your mom. And her family. I know this hurts, but let’s just do it.

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11 Things That Will Still Be Okay No Matter What Happens Tuesday

I don’t know about you all, but I have to work hard to not feel scared – terrified, really – about what’s happening in our country. So as not to be coy, I’ll be clear that I am a huge Obama supporter. I desperately hope that he’s reelected. I believe that he’s playing the long game and is much more likely to take us where we need to be than his opponent is. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Respect all viewpoints, agree to disagree, ad infinitum.

The sad reality is that the man who gets elected President on Tuesday will begin his administration with only half the country’s support. HALF. For whatever reason, neither Obama nor Romney has convinced a clear majority of us that he’s the man for the job. I’m fearful that the party that doesn’t prevail will continue the partisan antics that have stopped the country dead in its tracks, making sure to block any good the other party tries to do. In the wake of Sandy, the “shutup and get shit done” philosophy of officials like Gov. Chris Christie and Newark Mayor Corey Booker is encouraging. Gee, maybe all it’s gonna take to focus all of us on our shared American-ness is a series of crushing disasters? Uggggh.

However! What happens Tuesday will not affect the awesomeness of any of the things I’ve listed below. Take comfort in that, friends. Take comfort.

1. Five Guys burgers will still be extremely delicious.

2. George Clooney’s face: unlikely to undergo a hideous transformation overnight.

3. Gifs will still exist. Thank ya, Jesus!

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