Tag Archives: Nene Leakes

Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part 1 TONIGHT!

We’re just hours away from part one of the super-sized Real Housewives of Atlanta season 5 reunion show and for me, it can’t be 8 pm soon enough! This season was a little ho-hum but the reunion looks goooood, doesn’t it?

Since it’s very clear that Andy Cohen reads my blog – how else to explain Fashion Queens? – the other ladies probably do, too. So I’ll address each of them individually and let them know what I think of their performances this season.

Phaedra Parks ::  Donkologist, Ph D

Phaedra, you are a delightful mystery to me. You live contentedly in Phaedra World, a place where every idea is turned into a business and where a charmingly cracked Southern charm is the coin of the realm. But it’s a nice place and I love you for making a home there with Apollo and Ayden. I’m pleased to see that the marital discord Bravo hinted at in the trailer for this season turned out to be a bunch of bunk and I know you must be so happy to be bringing another little chicken nugget into the world. Anytime you want to go for a day drink at the Clermont Lounge, I’m down.tumblr_mg8g040Ws81ql5yr7o1_400

Kandi Burruss :: The Hungry, Happy Housewife

Kandi, you may want to have a chat with the producers about the editing this season. Girl, they made you look like you would do anything for a plate of food! Maybe you’re ok with it but I think I’d be a little miffed if I had put on a noticeable amount of weight and then every episode showed me yammering about food! I’m guessing you probably don’t care though. And, really, why should you? You seem genuinely happy with Todd, Riley seems to like him, you took a few steps back from Mama Joyce, and you own a bad ass mansion. Good for you and may your empire – whoaOHOH! – keep growing.tumblr_mjas0t874x1ql5yr7o1_400

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: Brains, Booty and All Business

A few brief questions I’d like answered.

1. What is with these people making business deals with NO CONTRACT?!

Has no one on the show ever actually SEEN the show before?! Every single season, housewives in one city or another make some vague business deal. Then the checks are slow and somebody feels wronged. Exhibit A: Kandi and Kim going at it over “Tardy for the Party.” Exhibit B: Sheree and Nene’s bad business deal. Exhibit Everything Else: Sonja and Heather’s dustup over the toaster oven box.

I mean, come on, girls. Get it together!

2. Is Kenya actually trying to float the rumor that Walter is a “downlow brother”?

Because that is just tacky. When her cousin (who needs a bigger bra) said something about how she was “suspicious” of Walter and how “this IS Atlanta, after all”, either she’s just nasty or Kenya’s grubby mitts were pulling the strings.

3. Has anyone actually seen “The New Normal”?

I know the kid who’s Hannah Horvath’s gay ex-bf on “Girls” is in it and Nene is in it. And maybe sometimes Ellen Barkin? That’s the extent of my knowledge. I worry when I see Nene and Gregg dropping so much cash in Hollywood. I was relieved when Nene confirmed that they would not be moving from ATL permanently.

4. Is Kenya’s patchwork ombre hair intentional?

I just wanted to use the phrase “patchwork ombre” coined by my soul sisters, Two Winey Bitches.

But look:Screen Shot 2013-01-15 at 6.09.43 PM

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Nene and Me: Reunited and It Feels So ‘Hood

Last week’s recap was all about Kenya and to be honest, I felt kind of dirty afterward. You guys, she is just awful and I regret the attention I’ve given to her antics. As Evelyn Lozada would say, she’s “thirsty.” We need to let her stay that way for awhile. Besides, she’s busy suing bloggers and coming after Walter for telling the truth on her.

Enough! Let’s move on to the person who is becoming my breakout favorite (again) this season: Ms. Nene Leakes! Yes, Nene, who was such a mean old raisin face (™Porsha Stewart) for awhile, is more centered, easygoing, and plain old fun again this season.
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Remember THIS Nene?

It may surprise you to learn that Atlanta is the undisputed ratings leader of the Real Housewives franchises. By far far. In that first season, it wasn’t DeShawn (remember her?) or Lisa Wu Hartwell or She by Sheree that drew the viewers. It was the Lucy and Ethel antics of Nene and Kim, right?

But as time went on, the two of them got famous and as famous people do, they got weird and bitchy. They both became a lot less fun. They became unlikeable, really.

Kim stayed that way, as far as I’m concerned. I get that she’s supposed to be so happy with her new man and her new family but she still seems like the most miserable happy person I’ve ever seen.

In Nene’s defense, she went through some pretty rough times. Her loser older son gave her all sorts of problems (did you know she suddenly became grandma last spring?). Her long marriage unraveled quickly and publicly. And she got very rich, bitch! Well, you know what they say: mo’ money, mo’ problems. That kind of rapid life change makes people a little nuts. (And really, how else to explain Nene’s dalliance with that greasy ole creeper, John?)

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5 Unanswered Questions: All Kenya Edition

I don’t know about you but I thought Sunday’s Real Housewives of Atlanta was filmed live on location in SNOOZEVILLE. So boring!

Except for the antics of Miss USA 1947, Kenya Moore.

Let’s get started on the questions I need answered, shall we?

1. Has Walter hired extra security yet?

In Atlanta, everybody knows (as Phaedra would say) that Walter gave an interview on The Frank and Wanda Show and he totally blew up Kenya’s spot. He told Frank Ski and Wanda Smith that he dated Krazy Kenya for a couple of months – over three years ago! When Kenya was approached to do the show, she called Walter “out of the blue” to offer him a position as her fake boyfriend. She said the money was easy and his towing business would get good exposure. (Um . . . ok.) Walter’s friends advised him to do it for fun, but shit got real when Kenya started pressing for a ring.

Two bits of advice, Walter: get new friends and hire round-the-clock security. Kenya’s comin’ for you. Trust.

2. Did Kenya really think people would believe her “marriage” storyline?

She can’t possibly have thought she could keep this ruse going, right? Imagine being on a getaway to Anguilla with your boyfriend and a few other couples. Would he be cool with you proposing a three-way with one of the couples, asking the owner of the house if he had ever donated to a sperm bank, and then doing the full-on “bend over to the front, touch ya toes!” routine up against yet another woman’s husband? ON CAMERA?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

3. Is Kenya abusing drugs and/or alcohol?

Because that is the only possible explanation for this:

kenya fabulous

gone with the wind fabulous

4. How did Phaedra keep herself from punching Kenya “in her face” when she suggested the threesome?

Phaedra side eye

Phaedra’s side eye is unmatched.

Phaedra really is the consummate Southern belle, isn’t she? Brains, booty, all business, and able to resist knocking a bitch out.

5. Did Bravo’s producers know they struck gold when Kenya came along?

I really, really dislike Kenya. I think she is actually “in need of treatment” crazy, not just Housewives crazy. And yet. The amount of space I’ve donated to her alone, makes me think her crazy might be more like a fox.

This week was boring (except for Porsha and Kenya’s meeting of the minds) but next week’s episode looks good. Why? Nene on a horse.

Photo: bravotv.com
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Drag Versions of Nene and Sheree Disturbingly Similar to Actual Nene and Sheree

This is the kind of dedication to one’s art that I can really get behind.

Watch Latrice Royale and DiDa Ritz in a shot-for-shot reenactment of Sheree and Nene’s Season 4 fight in which Nene delivered the now classic line, “I’m very rich, bitch.”

It’s a little frightening how closely their version resembles the original.

And now I suddenly need to listen to Erykah Badu.

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BREAKING: Prez Hates the Real Housewives

Oh, great.

Grrreat.

Did he really have to use the Real Housewives as an example of a brain-wasting, obesity-creating trash TV timesuck? What about the Kardashians, B? Why not go after Hillbilly Handfishing? I’m trying to make a living here, man.

Full disclosure: I am a big, bag fan of the POTUS. Don’t worry; we’ll work this out over a couple glasses of Pinot.