Tag Archives: Porsha Stewart

Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part 1 TONIGHT!

We’re just hours away from part one of the super-sized Real Housewives of Atlanta season 5 reunion show and for me, it can’t be 8 pm soon enough! This season was a little ho-hum but the reunion looks goooood, doesn’t it?

Since it’s very clear that Andy Cohen reads my blog – how else to explain Fashion Queens? – the other ladies probably do, too. So I’ll address each of them individually and let them know what I think of their performances this season.

Phaedra Parks ::  Donkologist, Ph D

Phaedra, you are a delightful mystery to me. You live contentedly in Phaedra World, a place where every idea is turned into a business and where a charmingly cracked Southern charm is the coin of the realm. But it’s a nice place and I love you for making a home there with Apollo and Ayden. I’m pleased to see that the marital discord Bravo hinted at in the trailer for this season turned out to be a bunch of bunk and I know you must be so happy to be bringing another little chicken nugget into the world. Anytime you want to go for a day drink at the Clermont Lounge, I’m down.tumblr_mg8g040Ws81ql5yr7o1_400

Kandi Burruss :: The Hungry, Happy Housewife

Kandi, you may want to have a chat with the producers about the editing this season. Girl, they made you look like you would do anything for a plate of food! Maybe you’re ok with it but I think I’d be a little miffed if I had put on a noticeable amount of weight and then every episode showed me yammering about food! I’m guessing you probably don’t care though. And, really, why should you? You seem genuinely happy with Todd, Riley seems to like him, you took a few steps back from Mama Joyce, and you own a bad ass mansion. Good for you and may your empire – whoaOHOH! – keep growing.tumblr_mjas0t874x1ql5yr7o1_400

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: This Week’s 5 Unanswered Questions

Whoa!

I learned a lot from last night’s episode of RHOA. For example, there are people who have their OB/GYN’s direct number programmed into their phone, and they are able to use it to call said doctor, who will pick up on the first ring to confirm that hot tubs are not a good fit with vaginas. Also? Kenya is not just a little wacky. She is BANANAZ.

So even though some things were cleared up, like always, I’m still scratching my head over a few others. This week’s questions. . .

1. Okay, I have said this before, but when is Phaedra getting her own show?!

Wow. Everybody knows how much I love PP, but last night was one of her best ever episodes. Her reason for not entering the hot tub? “There’s nothing wrong with that water. It’s the penises and vaginas that have been IN that water.” That is GOLD. Her disapproval over Kenya “rubbing her funky booty on [Peter’s] genitalia”? She is way, way too much woman for an ensemble show. I’ll expect a call back from Andy Cohen any minute.

On a side note, I really felt badly for Phaedra when that foolishness between Kenya and Apollo went down. I think we’ve all been in situations like that, where some crazy person with boundary issues starts causing trouble. I’m sure Phaedra will handle it next week but I did feel her pain.

#notcool

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: This Week’s 5 Unanswered Questions

So, Phaedra accidentally donkey-booty dialed Nene. Phaedra describes donkey bootyNene heard Phaedra say not nice things about Cynthia, so of course she had to go tattle to Cynthia. Whatever. Cynthia-centered plot lines bore the stuffing outta me and this is no exception. Also, Kim is moving out of the “haunted house” and Porsha made breakfast and Kenya is nuts.

But there are still some questions I’d like answered from last night’s episode.

1. Has Walter really never seen Kenya’s backyard?

That’s not a metaphor. I’m pretty sure that when she invited him over for the microwaved Trader Joe’s homemade dinner, he made some comment about how nice it was back there, indicating he had never seen the back deck. She also made some apologizing noises about the stairs. Is this the first time this poor sucker has been to his girlfriend’s house? Does she actually live there? And is she seriously talking about wanting a baby with this guy? And does she think the basis of a good marriage is perpetrating the lie that you can cook? And doing it badly (strands of pasta in a grill pan)? That was way more than one question but I’m truly flummoxed by Kenya’s crazy ass.

2. Did Porsha just say “fraudulent slip”?

Because I’m pretty she did. Explaining to her husband about accidentally calling Kenya Miss America, she described it as a fraudulent slip. Okay. This means that she not only doesn’t know the word is Freudian, she also misunderstands the whole concept. “Freudian slip” is not exactly an uncommon phrase, right? I mean, I think even eighth graders use it properly. But in the preview for next week, Porsha describes her organization as not about feeding the hungry only on Thanksgiving; they are “active 265 days a year.” So yeah. Continue reading

Oh, Dear. We Need to Talk About These New Housewives

Because my gay boyfriend Andy Cohen likes to mix things up, he’s added a couple of new, ahem, “ladies” to the lineups of Beverly Hills and Atlanta. Although there’s not a chance I would ever be friends with any of them, I’m afraid they’re gonna make great TV. Le sigh.

Yolanda Foster ::

Yolanda Hadid FosterSo, this Yolanda person is married to frequent Grammy winner David Foster. I feel like he’s part of that very weirdly incestuous Hollywood crowd that includes Linda Thompson, who dated Elvis and was married to Bruce Jenner. And is the mom of uber-bro Brody Jenner. I think maybe she was married to David Foster but I don’t feel like looking that up.

Anyhoo, Yolanda. Um, I think she may have had some work done. Maybe. She claims she’s 48. [EDITED to remove not nice statement about her appearance.] So far, she bores. It appears that at some point this season she goes off on someone, somewhere, for some reason. She better not go after my Brandi or we’re gonna have a problem.

 

 

 

Porsha Stewart ::

Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of AtlantaAnother one who’s married to someone extremely famous. I know nothing about football – less than nothing, actually – but even I know who Kordell Stewart is. He is a legit famous person! Porsha hasn’t appeared in an episode yet so I can’t say a whole lot about her. Except! In that extended trailer for the new season, she appears to receive a check for “Two huddred thousan DOLLERS!” from her husband. Um, that check better be for charity. Otherwise, they are tackier than I even imagined.

Porsha Stewart, Kordell Stewart, Atlanta, home

This portrait in the Stewart home tells me all I need to know about these two.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kenya Moore ::

Kenya Moore, Atlanta, Real HousewivesThis one. When I see her face, I imagine George Takei’s famous “Oh, myyy.”

She seems thoroughly awful. And I know I said this before, but I think she is probably the only cast member whose food may have been spit into more than Ramona Singer’s. And her “cakes”? There is not even a chance those are real. Which brings me to something I’ve often wondered about. Women don’t seem embarrassed to admit to breast implants. But no one ever admits their “donkey booty” (© Phaedra Parks) is store-bought. Why?

Speaking of Phae, it would appear that something untoward goes down between her hubs, Apollo and Krazy Kenya. Grr. Do NOT mess with Miss Phaedra, Kenya. I will personally come after you.

 

Cynthia Bailey gif

I agree, Cynthia. Enough!

What about you, readers? Do you like these chicks? Do you think I’m gonna need to organize a gang to defend Phaedra against Krazy Kenya?

Photos: Bravtotv.com
Gif: Realitytvgifs.tumblr.com