Even though Andy denies it, word on the gossip rag street is that Danielle is coming back to The Real Housewives of New Jersey. You heard it here first! Or, maybe like third, but still.
Danielle! Listen girl, if it’s true you’re coming back, please PLEASE bring Danny with you. Everyone, you remember Danny, right? Danielle’s hilariously awesome “bodyguard”?
Danielle, I had NO idea how much I’d miss you! You brought such utterly charming self-delusion to the show. I mean, it’s one thing to be deluded enough to think your neon-colored pre-made bellinis are gonna be the next Skinnygirl margaritas (looking at you, Teresa). But it takes some next level delusion to think you’re gonna take the music world by storm with talents like yours. Beware: extreme fierceness and dazzling production values ahead!
I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but one of the dancers – the one who isn’t the chunk or the ferociously sexy one – resembles a very low-budget Channing Tatum (aka the Sexiest Man Alive), who is himself a low budget version of someone I can’t quite place.
Speaking of C-Tates, this gave me the LOLz:
This Thanksgiving I’ll be making my signature dish, channing taters. It’s sort of weird-looking but everyone wants to fuck it.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) November 14, 2012
Watch out, Teresa. Danielle’s comin’ for you.
One last thing, Danielle. If you could put me in touch with those dancers, I would love to have them perform at my next party. They seem comfortable performing their breath-takingly sexxxay moves in small spaces. I think my front porch might be just right.