Tag Archives: wine

Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part 1 TONIGHT!

We’re just hours away from part one of the super-sized Real Housewives of Atlanta season 5 reunion show and for me, it can’t be 8 pm soon enough! This season was a little ho-hum but the reunion looks goooood, doesn’t it?

Since it’s very clear that Andy Cohen reads my blog – how else to explain Fashion Queens? – the other ladies probably do, too. So I’ll address each of them individually and let them know what I think of their performances this season.

Phaedra Parks ::  Donkologist, Ph D

Phaedra, you are a delightful mystery to me. You live contentedly in Phaedra World, a place where every idea is turned into a business and where a charmingly cracked Southern charm is the coin of the realm. But it’s a nice place and I love you for making a home there with Apollo and Ayden. I’m pleased to see that the marital discord Bravo hinted at in the trailer for this season turned out to be a bunch of bunk and I know you must be so happy to be bringing another little chicken nugget into the world. Anytime you want to go for a day drink at the Clermont Lounge, I’m down.tumblr_mg8g040Ws81ql5yr7o1_400

Kandi Burruss :: The Hungry, Happy Housewife

Kandi, you may want to have a chat with the producers about the editing this season. Girl, they made you look like you would do anything for a plate of food! Maybe you’re ok with it but I think I’d be a little miffed if I had put on a noticeable amount of weight and then every episode showed me yammering about food! I’m guessing you probably don’t care though. And, really, why should you? You seem genuinely happy with Todd, Riley seems to like him, you took a few steps back from Mama Joyce, and you own a bad ass mansion. Good for you and may your empire – whoaOHOH! – keep growing.tumblr_mjas0t874x1ql5yr7o1_400

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Don’t Make Room for Daddy: This Week’s Real Housewives of New York City

Ugh, George is back. Why didn’t he just stay gone? Gross. Here we go.

After the show opens on Aviva and Horny Goat Weed George buying $400 worth of crap in a health food store, we see Sonja returning from a meeting with her husband’s divorce lawyers. She thought she would be talking to him face-to-face but evidently, he just sent the lawyers in to tell her she’s not getting any money. Geez, what do you marry an rich old geezer for if not to get some money out of it? Sonja must have skipped some classes at Gold Digger School. I do feel badly for Sonja here – this whole situation seems sad and ugly and it’s definitely part of the reason for her unraveling. But I think the saddest part of all of it was her coming home and sharing a real sad moment in her life with these 2 interns or whatever the hell they are, and they obviously totally do not give a shit.

“Hey, when you’re done crying, could we maybe talk about me being paid?”

Moving on, we see Heather planning a fashion show to benefit an organization that funds pediatric liver donation. Good for Heather. Seriously. I love Heather and I love that she actually walks the walk. My favorite moment was when Heather asked Aviva to be in the fashion show and you can tell Luann’s all, “Um, hello! Model! Sitting right next to you!

“Oh, grrreat. I’m so happy for you, Aviva. Thanks for cutting in to my camera time.”

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Linked Out :: September 28, 2012

Planning a dinner party? Wondering what Mike D would think of your wine pairings? Answer here. (Esquire)

The mature adult me thinks Lil Wayne is an entitled egomaniacal ass (who took a page out of Ronald Reagan’s book)  in this videotaped deposition. But the wee anti-authoritarian in me? Thinks it’s hilarious. (TMZ)

You guys, Katy Perry will not stop making me like her! This Daria manicure? UGH! Make her stop! (Cheezburger)

There’s really nothing to say about this stingray photo bomb except that it’s a stingray. Photobombing. And facial expressions can be magical. (The Frisky)

Looks like Cher and Dee from “Clueless” were in charge of costumes for the Brooklyn Nets cheerleaders. (Vulture) Gawker takes it a step further, going outfit by outfit. (Gawker)

It’s hard to imagine there was a time when Aaron Paul wasn’t yet Jesse Pinkman. Or that Seth Rogen wasn’t always Ken Miller. Check out this collection of audition tapes for now iconic TV characters. (Flavorwire)

I haven’t been watching Britney on “The X-Factor”, but these faces!? I might have to start. Oh, Britney. Bless your heart. Sigh. (Reality TV gifs)

Linked Out Love :: September 14, 2012

Earlier this week, there were reports that Kris Jenner (horrible Kardashian mom) criticized June Thompson (Honey Boo Boo’s mom) for exploiting her kids for money. Predictable “pot, meet kettle” headlines everywhere. But now Kris says she did no such thing. Ooh, Kris Jenner, I see what you did there. Throwin’ shade like a BAWSE. (E Online)

This headline implies that wine in a box somehow isn’t classy enough on its own. I don’t get it. What’s wrong with just carrying it with you? (The Frisky)

This kid makes me wish I could travel back in time so I could grab my 15 year old self by the shoulders and repeatedly shout, “What the F*CK are you DOING??! Get off the phone, quit painting your nails and go LEARN something! JEE-zus.” (Cheezburger)

As a show of love to my readers, I would like to share some resources on the 5 Stages of Amy Poehler/Will Arnett Breakup Grief. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. (The Frisky)

Can you imagine discussing group health insurance with your Bunny Mother? What about demerits for carelessness with hair, nails, shoes, makeup or costume? No? Well, you can learn about it all right here in the 1968 Playboy Club Bunny Manual. (Retronaut)

Hey there, fellow moms! I know we don’t agree on everything in this crazy, mixed-up world but I think we can all agree that potty-training your kids in the middle of a restau – HOLY MARY! What is WRONG with people??!  (Huff Po)

Here’s me watching that video:

 

gif: myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com

 

5 Lessons Learned in 15 Minutes on Match.com

Whenever the subject of my recent uncoupling (some might call it “divorce”) comes up – and it does fairly often – some well-meaning friend asks when I’m gonna go on Match.com. Not IF, but WHEN. Always. The men friends in my life push it the hardest, backing up their claims by giving me numbers and facts and science and other stuff that makes my delicate girly head hurt. I always respond that not only does the concept of online dating depress the shit out of me, but also that I am way too weird and opinionated for even the most sophisticated algorithm to classify me in any useful way.

So last night, after a couple Karma Supratinis (don’t judge) with a couple good girlfriends, I succumbed. I gave my email address so that I could get in and view some exciting profiles of singles near me! Some of whom are even “online right now!” After an initial giddiness – “Oh my God, what if this works and I miraculously find some supercoolguyandwebothhavekidsandenduptravelingtogether and EEEE!” – a few more minutes on the site brought me back to my initial misgivings. I lasted all of about 15 minutes but at least I have some intel from the very outer edges of the front lines – basically in another city – that I can share. Continue reading

Young Lady, Pull Yourself Together: An Open Letter to Sonja Morgan

Sonja, sit down. We need to talk about some things that are gonna be hard for you to hear.

When last night’s episode opened on the meeting in your apartment, you were already making me tense. Say what you will about Heather, but she’s a hugely successful business woman and she’s offered you her help, along with help from James Benard (who probably lies awake wondering why he ever agreed to do this). And you bring Ramona to sit in and bark out her critiques in between taking phone calls? Honey, why? What were you thinking?

Now this is where it gets hard. *deep breath* Continue reading